So we meet again so soon. I’m attempting to post more often to get acclimated in pushing more content out for you all. Plus, like I’ve stated time and time again (I know y’all are tired of hearing it. lol) This is therapeutic for me at this time where I’m feeling like I’m wading in the middle of a river in the middle of the night. I don’t have a clue where I’m going, where I’m headed and how I got there in the first place.
Sometimes the best thing we can do is not force or push ourselves because we could be doing further harm than good. Imagine if I were literally wading in the middle of a river while it was pitch dark and I decided I was going to swim my way back to land, only to find myself further into the water and away from land. I could imagine I’d be exhausted by continuously swimming from one direction to another and becoming further and further lost. Technically speaking, I’d be tired from wading in that water, but maybe I'd be still, long enough to come up with a better strategy than blindly pushing and forcing myself to find my way back.
That’s what I realized during my recovery from having 6 tooth extractions. The irony of how healing, whether it’s mentally, emotionally, or physically, requires us to be patient and still. I’m now understanding that’s when we’re supposed to do our best work. Instead, I become anxious, restless, and impatient thinking about all of the things I need to do. Or I’m worrying about what’s not getting done. It’s only when I looked back on my vlog about recovering from my dental work and feeling isolated, is when it dawned on me again that I haven’t been diligent in just being.
I remember when I had my first major surgery, other than my cesarean section, and I felt an immense sense of depression after recovering from my breast augmentation. I was crying everyday and feeling left behind (from what I don’t know). I research why I felt this way because I’ve had c sections before but I chalked up my feelings of depression to postpartum, but now I’m questioning if that was even the case. A term came up called “postoperative depression” and that’s a phrase used for people who become depressed or low vibrational after they’re recovering from surgery. I took that to mean that’s what I was going through. However, I couldn’t just rest with that.
Once I got to recovering from my dental extractions I came to the conclusion that my depression may be a result of having to sit still. For whatever reason I always feel I have to be busy doing something or else I don’t feel productive. I also believe that’s the effect of when I was in a deep state of depression some years ago and I wasn’t productive at all. Maybe it keeps me deflecting, from having to come to terms that maybe I’m depressed all together regardless of postpartum or major surgery. So when I came across a video speaking on being isolated and how The Most High uses isolation to help us reveal and heal from whatever is impeding our growth; I realized that I indeed had a problem with sitting still and gaining reflection.
Even now in this present moment I’m just going with the flow by putting out content instead of being overly technical on what, how, and when to put my content out. All while being a mother and wife. Life was truly becoming overwhelming to me and I believe it’s due to trying to force the direction and the purpose in my life. Maybe the moments where I’m supposed to be recovering and taking it easy, I’m not supposed to focus on what isn’t getting done or what has to get done
but rather just focusing on myself. Maybe I’m supposed to unpack where this low vibrational energy is resonating from that has me depressed? I’m slowly gaining clarity that I’m too in my head with idealism and perfection on how I want my life or career to look and not allowing the Universe and The Most High reveal it. When I finally admitted to myself that I don’t know what I’m doing, a burden was lifted. The irony is that I came to the revelation that I didn’t have a clue when I was sitting alone in my sunroom and just staring out of my glass door into the trees.
This clarity gave the saying “You want to make God laugh, tell him your plans” a whole new meaning or understanding to me. While I’m trying to plan every execution and implement every idea. The Universe is watching me scramble to say “When will she get it? When will she finally see that she’s been running in circles getting absolutely nowhere with her plans?” But I have it… with a little help from Moana 2. I mean when the Bat Lady or “Matangi” told Moana that sometimes you have to get lost to find your way, that really hit home for me. Call it divine intervention.
Sometimes the recovery we have to do for ourselves may not always be from a physical setback, but it may be to recover from a heartbreak, grief, or trauma. We instantly want to combat a broken heart by finding a new love. Or we want to confront grief and trauma by staying busy. When the Universe and Most High are calling for us to be still and make peace with our broken hearts, fears, or new beginnings, we’re called to be alone, silent and still. We’re called to confront the very things we’re too busy to focus on. So if you’re going into any type of recovery be prepared to use that time to focus on you. Meditate, pray, write, record or read. Do whatever to find that stillness and peace so you can come out better than before.
Comment below if you've ever experienced isolation? Have you ever experienced postoperative depression?
PEACE & BLESSINGS
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