In this episode of Her Mind Is Beautiful episode five, I explore my thoughts on how we, as black women, deal with one another in regards to conflict or confronting one another. I believe that it helps us individually as well as collectively to be able to have tough conversations without there being hostile and defensiveness. I want us as black women to be able to let down our guards with one another and allow ourselves a level of vulnerability. Lately, however it's giving that black women are the new mean girls.
It’s too often that we’re attacking one another whether it’s online in comments or social media lives. Or we’re being aggressive and overly emotional face to face. This, to me, just helps create connections that are less authentic due to us not creating the space and room for us to speak candidly without the fear of being judged or attacked.
I hear the narrative from black women that we’re not being able to be feminine due to having to operate in masculine energy. However, it’s not what we do as women that keeps us in a masculine, defensive, guarded energy. It’s how we do them. But if we can’t recognize that our feminine energy is sourced from within rather than outside of us, we’re going to operate guarded and defensive. It’s to a point that we aren’t just guarded and defensive with men or romantic partners but we are now guarded and defensive with one another. Well the question poses; “Why are we so defensive and guarded with one another”? The excuse we had when dealing with men is that we don’t feel protected or handled with care. So is that the same sentiment when we’re interacting with other black women?
Let’s say we don’t feel safe with other black women, hence being guarded and defensive. And, I believe this could be a major factor, when you see how we can’t be in disagreement without becoming aggressive, emotional, or detached. I realize this comes from a rooted place. As black women we have had to overcome many obstacles from fighting for equality among our white counterparts and our male counterparts; to fighting for our community as a whole. This can definitely play a role in building up our defenses and feeling underappreciated when you aren’t being treated like the force we are.
However, we do have to have a level of accountability. Accountability doesn’t mean that we can’t be wrong while still being mistreated, it just means that we have to find a way to heal within so that we can heal others, our community. We can’t heal if we’re continuously carrying the burden of pain, strife, and brokenness. When we don’t heal those things, we become hardened, jaded, and bitter. Overall we become the mean girls, the equivalent to a “Karen”. And it’s something we can no longer avoid because it’s meeting us right at our door because we’re starting to not want to tolerate one another.
In this hour episode I read a great article ‘The Divine Feminine and the Female Friendships’ from bethanywebster.com and she highlights how important it is for us to express our vulnerabilities with one another. In doing so we find healing in past triggers and traumas. If we want the world to hold space for us when it comes to us operating in our feminine energy, then we have to hold that same space for ourselves and one another.
We should be able to express our feelings, thoughts, and ideas without feeling attacked, judged, or overlooked. We have to see one another, and that most definitely starts with seeing ourselves. Seeing our hurt, triggers, traumas, and hang ups. Tell me your thoughts once you’ve watched the episode. Have you ever felt mistreated by a “mean girl”? Do you think you’ve been a mean girl? What positive change would you like to see among the black women collective?
Comments