Let’s get straight to the point. Change is inevitable. As the saying goes, “One thing that is constant is change” but for some reason, reasons that I will address further on, we fight against it. Well, we fight against it if we can’t see the instant gratification or reward when we change. Truly, nothing stays the same and we can understand this logic just in our everyday life. We physically change as we get older. We change grades as we gain education. We change jobs, living quarters, and clothes. Yes, I took it there because that’s how much we are faced with change regardless how minute or drastic it is.
So, why then do we have such a difficult time accepting change in our lives? If we know that change is unavoidable, why aren’t we as prepared or open to change? Personally, I don’t think you could ever be too prepared for change, or maybe we can but just not in the way we often view preparation. We can’t foresee or predict the future to be able to know exactly what kind of change we need to prepare for. However, we can prepare ourselves to be receptive to change in knowing how to adjust and adapt to the change around us or within us.
The irony for me is I assume change has to be some type of forward mobility or progression. Or, of course, change can be a step backwards but I saw that type of change as negative. When in actuality that could be further from the truth. I fight for so long to push myself forward. I forcibly kept going when it came to my aspirations, goals, and dreams. It never once dawned on me, until recently, that if you have to force something, maybe it’s time to step back and reassess what it is that you’re trying to accomplish. There’s a difference between challenging yourself and taking on a challenge versus trying to force a square leg into a round hole. I realized then that sometimes the change is not forcing but allowing, going with the flow of things instead of trying to “force” things to happen based on your own expectations.
So why did it take me so long to accept that I need to fall back, relax and let go of the wheel? What was impeding on this revelation so I could make this change a long time ago?
As I discuss in my first episode of “Her Mind Is Beautiful” podcast, It’s typically 3 things that block us or delay us from making the necessary changes that we need in our life. Not to change the subject but the first official episode is out now for my newly launched podcast. You can watch the first episode by clicking on the video below and thank you in advance for your support.
However, I can tie this shameless plug into my point by speaking on the difficulties of me even starting this podcast to begin with. I used to have a podcast in 2018 called “Drinks & Discussions” with a co host, well technically it started off with a panel and then I downsized it to me and a co host. We did well in the beginning but as we kept going the consistency fell off for a number of reasons that I won’t quite get into. But before I decided to officially lay Drinks & Discussions to rest I was still trying to figure out a way to make it work. But when I realized that I was the only one who was invested in trying to make it work, seeing as though my co host never gave it too much conversation once we stopped, I came to the realization that this was probably
UNCERTAINTY
The uncertainty or unknown can have us in a chokehold of anxiety if we allow it. It’s so many questions that arise from the feeling of uncertainty. What is this change going to look like? Will this change benefit me or set me back? What will I have to give up or what will I gain? Yes, we have more of a sense of security when we know what we’re facing, it’s that level of vulnerability that we’re in that makes us feel insecure about what we don’t know.
So how do we rid the mentality of holding ourselves back due to uncertainty? I learned to look at change as an adventure. Imagine if you knew whatever change you were facing, it was going to be fun, fulfilling, and exciting! Even though you aren’t certain on what that change is, you'll find yourself less worried because you don’t have this dread of negativity over your head. You may find yourself, possibly anxious… but with excitement.
Don’t assume that what you don’t know is always going to look negative and scary. Be in the moment and live for the day and take on each moment and each day as an adventure, something you can learn from. Once you understand that change is going to happen regardless, then just be present and adjust accordingly. Easier said than done, huh, but you have to be patient, not impulsive and work within what you do know, figure out the rest later or as it comes.
ACCEPTANCE
Acceptance plays a major role in our lives. More so the acceptance of people outside of us than ourselves. When we decide to change, whether it’s the color of our hair or our lifestyle, it’s always comforting to know that people are rooting for you. The support from others in our life gives us the courage and acceptance to change. But that outside acceptance isn’t going to substitute self acceptance, and one can only wonder how far do you get? They’ll be moments that you won’t always have that undeniable support so do you fold and never embrace the change?. We aren’t monolithic so it’s normal that people in our lives won’t always accept our ideas or changes, therefore we shouldn’t heavily rely on the acceptance of others. Listen, even though you may feel supported or accepted, it doesn’t mean it’s coming from an authentic place.
Being okay that you’ll have to travel this road alone can help you embrace that everyone isn’t going to like your change. Get comfortable with being your own best friend, that way you won’t be discouraged when those you’ve been looking to for acceptance won’t accept your change. Understand that once you’ve come to terms with accepting who you are and the changes that
will occur, you’ll find yourself being less rigid about said change and more confident as you go through the journey of change.
DISCOMFORT
Change is never an easy transition hence why I try to view it as an adventure of hills and valleys to cross. But real effective change isn’t going to feel like a walk in the park or else we’d all do with no problems. I believe the best opportunity for change is when we’re feeling uncomfortable and uneasy. That means we won’t settle and get stagnant when welcoming our growth. Even when we’re excited about our new job and promotion, we still have to be aware that what we’ve come accustomed to, we may have to let go. Even what appears to be a positive change can challenge us and make us feel anxious or uneasy.
I like to call the discomfort that comes with change, growing pains. No different than when you outgrow your clothes. Allow yourself a different perspective in regards to discomfort. Tell yourself this means I’m growing, I’m building and I’m no longer going to be complacent so bring it on. I just try to keep going and tell myself that I have a spiritual team that is going to guide me and protect me through these challenges.
Whatever you do, do not quit or give up! Just remember this is a journey and there is no actual destination. Therefore you don’t have to rush to get anywhere or compete with anyone. Be patient, be present, and be open.
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PEACE & BLESSINGS
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