On behalf of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta returning for the New Year I decided to delve in about the dynamics of Rasheeda, Kirk and Jasmine right before the new season. This isn’t a review of the show but just another episode of exploiting my thoughts on the infamous Rasheeda and Kirk’s marriage when it comes to Kirk’s side chick Jasmine. As much as most of the audience insults Rasheeda’s intelligence by calling her dumb for sticking with Kirk, is she? I mean, is cheating the worst thing that could happen in their relationship made us question Rasheeda’s intelligence in regards to staying in her marriage?
I remember being on Instagram in the comments of public figure and influencer, Love Dorsey. She made a post speaking about how a man cheating on you, has less to do with you and more to do with the man. I agreed, because this wasn’t my first time hearing this and once you understand that most pains that are inflicted on us from others is more so their projection of their own trauma. I know, I know, you all are tired of hearing this but it’s the truth. Once you gain that understanding then you’ll realize that someone cheating on you isn’t about you, I think you have a better time finding peace with it. Seeing so many women in Love Dorsey comments with backlash was… well usual. The victim mentality was full force and I wasn’t surprised at the least. Why..because when it comes to infidelity in a relationship with women, it’s something that some of us can’t come back from.
I chop it up to the history of seeing or hearing our fathers, grandfathers, and male figures in our lives, have illegitimate children and multiple women. So of course, because as women we don’t heal through those traumas we allow it to trigger relationships of our own. However, I still feel you can come back from cheating and outside children if you want. What I would find hard for me to come back from is pedophilia, abuse, and anything that causes harm to me or others. I’m not implying that cheating doesn’t cause harm or does damage but, past it affecting our trust, is it our ego that is truly penetrated? Ego in the sense of you wanting to believe that you’re the only woman that your man is attracted to, intimate with, and has an overall connection with. However, once we get past that I believe we can realize that what he lacks and tries to compensate for has absolutely nothing to do with us.
I believe we romanticize marriage and relationships to a point where we don’t give a lot of room for mistakes, growth, and healing. I’ve said this before, that I believe our relationships are supposed to teach us something about ourselves and others. At no point am I condoning infidelity but I’m just pointing out how we put infidelity as the pinnacle of the mistakes you can make in a relationship. The real irony is that most women who call Rasheeda unintelligent for her willingness to work it out with Kirk, probably got cheated on a few times before they left. A lot of times on these platforms it’s a serious level of projecting triggers and traumas that molds the narrative. They were either cheated on repeatedly or saw their mother get cheated on repeatedly and it’s some underlying triggers that have them respond in the matter that they respond.
I can recall how my mother spoke about my grandfather and his acts of infidelity towards my grandmother. You’d think my grandfather was the worst man in the world despite that he provided them with a middle class lifestyle growing up. My grandfather’s children weren’t malnourished, didn’t wear tattered and worn down clothes, all had the opportunity to have a college education. The funny thing is, my mother’s experience growing up was completely different from my single mother's struggle upbringing. And to add that my mother wasn’t the most faithful in her relationships…allegedly.
The only discrepancy I have with Rasheeda is using Kirk’s side baby mama, Jasmine, as a narrative to stay with her husband. Hey, if you want to be with Kirk then stand on that square unapologetically. However, don’t try to imply that you’re fighting for your marriage because you aren’t going to allow a “homewrecker” to come in and try to break up your marriage. My personal opinion is Jasmine wasn’t or isn’t the only and I think Rasheeda and Kirk knows that. People are creatures of habit and for Kirk to just jump out the window and start cheating on Rasheeda after years of being faithful is a bit iffy for me. Now, is it possible? Anything is possible but seeing the pattern of Kirk having multiple children and baby mamas, I don’t see him changing off the strength of Rasheeda with no actual self work and reflecting being done. Even if he did initially, how long is changing for someone else going to last opposed to changing for yourself?
Jasmine doesn’t have control over what Kirk does and she can’t do what Kirk doesn’t allow. Rasheeda’s vows were made by Kirk, not Jasmine. Jasmine didn’t have anything invested into Rasheeda and Kirk’s marriage but Kirk did. Now I can see the problem within itself when there’s lack of accountability where it should be and misplaced resentment where it shouldn’t be. It’s a level of self esteem that you have to have to make decisions and not be bothered about how it makes you look in other people's eyes. If cheating isn’t the worst thing to happen to Rasheeda when it comes to Kirk, then I need sis to stand on that. Stop trying to spin a narrative that makes you feel comfortable taking your man back in front of the public eye.
Regardless, I won’t down another black woman for something we’ve all had to face or will. We all have to learn lessons at our pace, level, and time. Maybe her love for Kirk, her family, and what they built out trumps a side chick making a name. Maybe she sees a bigger picture. Sending love and healing for Rasheeda and she’s allowed to be humanly flawed. Take your time sis.
What are you thoughts? Is cheating the most critical mistake to be made in a relationship? Have you ever been cheated on? Was cheating something you couldn't come back from? Why?
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